Top 10 tips to win at Dry January

If you have joined the enthusiastic, alcohol free gaggle then no doubt you are counting down the days until February 1st - 5 left - this is a long month in more ways than one. For those of you whose resolve is weakening here is a picture of my local pub - and a lovely pub it is too. Tempted to join me for a tipple? What if I put up a picture of your favourite drink? Would that tempt you?

Anyone who sets themselves a challenge - for health reasons, financial, vanity or sanity -needs to preserve will power and seek out ways to make it easier to achieve. Here are the basics - my top ten tips with a bonus for luck. Cheers!

1. Have a set target.

Dry January works, less alcohol doesn't.

2. Make the goal difficult but achievable. 

No alcohol for the next hour is too easy - no alcohol ever is too hard.

3. Remove Temptations.

If there is no alcohol in the house you will not feel the urge to drink it.

4. Avoid subliminal suggestions.

Photos of alcohol, programmes with people drinking auto suggest you should indulge.

5. Have a buddy go for the same goal with you.

If you are competitive this works. If you are supportive this works and if your ego can't bear failure - this works.

6. Set a reward for when you reach your goal. 

This adds to the incentive - arrange a party for February 1st.

7. Chart your progress.

Tick off each day on your calendar -as you get more ticks the momentum increases.

8. Focus on Small Steps.

Don't think about a month without booze - think about no booze today. 

9. Tell everyone you are aiming for this goal.

Accountability helps.

10. Do not give up if you have a slip.

This does not make you a failure - you have just learnt something - maybe it's simply that you are not perfect so carry on - no one is.

11. Focus on you achieving your goal.

Picture it, dream it, see it, live it. If visualisation works for top athletes - why not try it for yourself?   

Everything in life can be as difficult or as simple as you make it. People have flown to the moon so whatever challenge you set for yourself you know it is possible as someone else has done it before. Or if that does not motivate you - think of Roger Bannister:

"I found longer races boring. I found the mile just perfect."

What a hero. Go out and get inspired. Paul McKenna pretends he is Brad Pitt. No mean thoughts but come on... it works for him.

My personal tip - whenever I feel overwhelmed, bored, exhausted, indecisive, trapped or scared I think...

"What would Madonna do?" Probably not the same as me but it sure puts things in perspective.  Anyone can be great... the challenge is believing in yourself - going for it is then easy.

How to Solve what to wear....

Ever stood in front of your wardrobe and not known what to wear? Ever felt like you hate everything you own? Ever thought that whatever you put on looks wrong? If so then you are suffering from wardrobe overwhelm and here's how to solve it.

First I will make the following assumptions.

1. You have removed everything from your closet that you do not like. Yes seriously - all those sale bargains, gifts, clothes you bought years ago but are too expensive to throw out.
2. You have removed everything from your closet that does not fit you - if you do ever lose weight you can treat yourself to some new clothes to celebrate.
3. You have removed everything from your wardrobe that is past it's best - ripped, faded, button missing, ragged collar.

Now you will be left with only those clothes that you love and that fit you.

Next organize your clothes. 

1. Remove everything for the summer in winter and vice versa. You won't be wearing that lemon halter neck in January and oh the joy of swapping 70% of your wardrobe in March and again in late September.
If space allows do the following.
Wardrobe for coats
Rail for suits.
Rail for blouses,shirts,
Rail for tops, corsets, basques
Rail for Jackets
Rails for dresses
Fold jeans in wardrobe with shelves
Fold jumpers in wardrobe with shelves
Fold T shirts in wardrobe with shelves

Here is the clever part. Most wardrobe assistants advise you to sort clothes by colour and occasion. This does not work for me - looking at 7 white shirts or 30 black dresses creates indecision and limits your imagination. Once it is separated by type as above I mix it all up together.  Then I sort it by when I wore it. When I have worn something it is hung on the right. This time I am working through my wardrobes and I have got about a third of the way through - the turquoise dress is the starting point in the picture above. Now when I choose what to wear I have only two thirds of my wardrobe to choose from - if I want to rewear something - and mixing things together usually means that a cardi will be worn again with a different dress then I will but first I will go through the clothes on the left. If I really don't want to wear the clothes that are remaining on the left then why am I keeping them? This really helps you focus on what you like and makes you get rid of what you don't.  After all why is it hanging there if you don't love it? Plus it makes deciding what to wear so much easier. You feel that the unworn clothes deserve a turn.You look forward to wearing everything because you love everything.

I do this with all my clothes - including coats - I have 2 that I like but choose not to wear and if I do not wear them this month I am going to ditch them.  It is so liberating... Try it...

Choose - 10 squats and 10 lunges a day

Aiming to get fit can feel like an enormous insurmountable goal. If you are overweight and lackluster about exercise then the thought of running every day is akin to participating in a marathon. Unobtainable. What if there were an easier way? What if you could reach your goal by taking small steps. What if you simply decided to do ten squats and 10 lunges a day? Is that possible? Is that achievable even in the busiest schedule? Can you spare 10 minutes every morning before you even brush your teeth? Picture yourself doing it - every day. This is based on the Japanese philosophy - Kaizen - continuous improvement. what it produces is big results over time. Continuous small changes accumulated over time result in a big improvement.

Even if you do not move on to do more exercise in the future - and you will because once you are in the habit and start to get fit you will want to do more and will seek out further ways to improve.So even if you do not do more, 10 squats and 10 lunges a day will have an impact on your health, fitness and looks. Do it for 30 days and see if you notice a change in your energy, vitality and physique. Then another 30 days. Then another. 


Nobody is successful by accident. It is as a result of the choices they made and the actions they took. do not be overwhelmed by the enormity of the task ahead and then choose to do nothing. Instead, take one small step at a time. A habit will then form. We are all creatures of habit. what we do every day is what we are. You can change that little by little. Do not aim for  perfection straight off and then collapse in despair as your ideal is out of reach. No athlete just turned up and won on the field. They won by their practise. Their dedication and resolve and their daily habits.


Everything you do in your life is a choice. Whether you are conscious of your decisions or simply drift through life, you do make them. From the moment you awake to the time you fall off to sleep you are making choices all day long. You choose what to eat and where to go, who to talk to and what to say. You choose whether to be gracious and friendly, rude and curt, dismissive, playful, this is you choosing to be you. People will judge who you are based on your behaviour. If you are overweight it is not by accident. It is through choice. Yours. If you choose not to exercise you choose not to operate your body at it's best. It is that simple. Take responsibility for who you are. Now, if you don't like it make a choice to change it. Not easy but simple. Make the choice today.

How to deal with Stress - You will love this...

1. Focus on one thing at a time.

A busy mind creates stress. Allow space to deal with just one thing. Accept the laws of physics - you cannot do more than one thing at once so why think about more than one thing?

2. Schedule

What gets scheduled gets done. Simple. Nobody accidentally made a million or became an Olympian but lots of people miss family birthdays and are late with their tax returns.

3. Give yourself an amnesty.

Silence your inner critic and hand over what you can't face to someone else. You know those tasks that are gathering mould - maybe you have left something because you are not sure of the next step... you now find it overwhelming to start.  Hand it over and take someone else's nightmare  in return. You will have no emotion attached to their problem and will be able to complete the task remarkably quickly.  Ditto them with yours.

4. Habit

Order creates calm. Tidy every day. Exercise every day - for 5 mins.
Habits remove the need for decision making and willpower which allows you to reserve your energy for what needs doing.

5. Deal with one nightmare a day.

If you have 30 things you don't want to do - in a month you will be free... new nightmares crop up but they can go to the back of the queue...

6. Accept that life happens for you and don't try to control outcomes or react emotionally to setbacks.

7. Deal with everything with love.

8. Take regular mini breaks and treats - spoil yourself when you are under pressure.

Latte, facebook for 10 minutes, cupcake, read vogue...

9. Develop an attitude of gratitude.

10. Traverse the earth with grace.

Not charm, not arrogance, not superiority, not fear, not jealousy, not resentment but grace. You will feel humble and blessed and compassion for all living things.

Are you really in love?

Most people pay lip service to falling in love. They want the pleasure - who wouldn't?  But they don't believe it exists. Well it won't for them. Everyone has a sad tale to tale - even if it is they have never loved and enjoy nights in doing macrame and stroking their cat.

The thing that confuses me the most are the people who believe they love an individual who treats them badly. Here are some examples:

1. Being cheated on. Does anyone seriously think that is acceptable?
2. Violence.
3. Verbal abuse.
4. Contempt.

This is behaviour directly aimed at you - we are not even considering personal habits, idiosyncrasies, personality defects or other such potential deal breakers.

List the behaviour you tolerate or ignore.  Tis indeed shaming which is why so many explain it away with "true love". Of course it is not love that binds you to such a creature it is fear. Fear of what? Maybe even fear of the thought of being on your own. At this stage you won't even like yourself. How could you when you allow another to treat you with a lack of respect?

So if you think you are unworthy then you are not going to risk venturing into the big, bad world and coming across a new soul as you will assume all will treat you with the disdain you deserve.

What about this thought - Men do not like to finish with women, it goes against their protective instinct so instead they behave in such a way to encourage the woman to finish with them. This can happen on an increasing scale and the frustration for both parties is that a lot of women simply choose to become more and more of a doormat. The woman is in a state of disbelief - why is he behaving like this - he used to be soo loving, she then resorts to futile hope and has an imaginary relationship in her head. With her and the original or remodelled beau. When he stops cheating everything will be fine. No it won't. It is never going to happen.

You cannot break free from an abusive, damaging, boring, washed up, dead relationship until you work on yourself.

There are lots of tools. Cynics can reject but the first step is to change your behaviour. How?

Change your words. Change your thoughts.. Change your beliefs. Change your behaviour. Change your life. 

Positive affirmations work with repetition.

Here are a couple to try 100 times a day every day.

I can do anything I set my mind to.

I am beautiful.

Here's another good idea:

10 squats and 10 lunges twice a day - but that is the subject of another post...

If you need help with any of this call me...

What Kind of Man Do You Like?

Have you decided?

You want a man in your life.  Is that it? Just any man? Of course not.

How about you make a list of what exactly you are looking for?

Bet it won't say married man.  How come so many women end up dating them? I saw The Other Woman recently starring Cameron Diaz and the film variously annoyed and entertained me. He was such a cad but he only managed to get away with it because the women were soo stupid.

So, a start would be list of deal breakers.  For many women it is a minimum height - strange that even the most petite among us can be heightist against men - but that is a bit like tubby men rejecting chubby women - there is no logic to it.

OK, so provided your deal breaker list is not so long that you decide to give up on an impossible task, the next list is what you are looking for. This should not be a chore it should be a pleasure - to write about your dream man. If you can't be bothered what does that say - maybe you don't want a man in your life?

What is the point of doing this? It narrows the field. There are billions of men out there. If you don't focus you will get lost in the crowd. Imagine a herd of zebras. You have to pick one. How will you do it?

How women normally date is they are responsive to the men who approach them. Not only does this take the choice right out of your hands but you could become prey to the players - they are more likely to ask women out, the ones who only want sex so any gal will do, the over confident ones and the ones who have asked you out for a bet (It does happen!).

I have read a few dating help guides and they are a nightmare.  They are telling women to act in a certain way, look a certain way (although they all state looks do not matter) have sex at a certain time, don't be needy, be fun, be mysterious, be strong, be confident.

Here is my advice. Just be. If a man does not like you as you are then you need to find out as quickly as possible otherwise you are wasting your precious life on a wrong un - wrong for you that is.

Next focus on what you like. I hate football so I will not be going to a football match. I hate golf. Not keen on tennis. Hate fishing. Get my drift. So many women abandon their interests and follow a man. Do you know what will happen?  You will get bored. Then you will go off him and blame him for being boring.

I love shopping - so no Amish for me. What do you like to do with your time? Write it down. If you meet a guy and you have no overlapping interests then you are going to have to spend a lot of time in bed which is great but you may miss shopping.

Finally there is only one essential element for true love - fantastic chemistry. Strangely, I have never felt this for a guy who loves fishing. If you feel it - follow it.

The Little Book of Love

The Little Book of Love is available now on amazon

This book is to help women deal with their anxiety around romantic love. If you have to ask - does he love me? The answer is probably no. This book is to give women inspiration and help them deal with the enigma of love. Love of course begins with self love and capturing this can feel like chasing bubbles if you do not have the necessary beliefs in place. You are a prize worth winning. Do you believe that? This book will help.

Most of the suffering women endure in pursuit of romantic love could be avoided if they listened to their intuition. If something does not feel right there is a reason - and it is not that you are not good enough. Give yourself a break and read this book. Work out that you are worth a whole lot more than you are putting up with. Become a vessel for love and start to attract the right people into your life - end your dance with players and users and open the door to a freer, simpler life where everything flows. It begins and ends with you. 

The Book is divided into 5 sections:

MEN TO AVOID

DOES HE LOVE ME?

DO YOU LOVE YOURSELF?

WHAT IS LOVE?

WHEN A MAN LOVES A WOMAN

The first section will tell you what you already know but do not want to face.

The second section will stop you asking yourself senseless questions.

The third question will make you think.

The forth section will reveal light bulb moments.

The fifth section will make you smile. 

I hope this book will help you find love. I hope this book will inspire you to love yourself and to accept no less than the best. We should not settle in love.  So many things in life are mediocre - love should not be one of them.  If you seek passion and comfort, warmth and security - dive in and read this book.